Tuesday, June 22, 2010

There are days

There are days when the sadness just overwhelms me and every little tiny thing makes me feel either sad or mad. Those are the days that I just don’t want to be around anybody. I need peace and quiet that just does not happen at my house. I try to get to a quiet place and am followed by at least two little feet wanting a piece of me. “What is for dinner?” “I’m bored! What can I do?” or just the proverbial noise that comes out of my 4 and 6 year old. The only time they are not making a ton of noise or getting into something is when they are asleep.

Then I am reminded of why my day is going so bad. I didn’t begin my day by spending any time with my creator.

A poem called “I didn’t have time” really sums it up. http://unsolvedmysteries.com/usm38250.html

We wake up in the morning forgetting about God and trying to live a life apart from Him. I don’t pray to Him or spend any time in His word and then I wonder why my life seems like it is spinning out of control.

How can I show God’s love to anyone when I am so far away from Him? I spend my days running around spinning my wheels, on the computer, cleaning my house or watching TV. I sometimes feel like I just don’t have the time to spend but in reality I am spending my time unwisely.

If I want to have a relationship with my husband or children or a friend, how long would that relationship last if I didn’t want to ever spend time with them or talk to them? Wouldn’t our bond be broken if I consistently did things that I knew would be a disappointment to them? If the answer is yes (and it is) then why is it that the one I claim to love the most is the one that I forget all too often and I act in a manner that brings displeasure to Him?

This continuous theme in my life needs to be changed. God has already done His part and promises - 1 john 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I am thinking . . maybe I need to get on my knees and do some confessing. Not for His sake but for mine.

Friday, June 18, 2010

The Beginning (sort of)

Every day is a challenge in this life. God gives us new and exciting paths to take. Many times these paths take us where we never thought that we would go.

Several years ago my husband and I were well on our way to becoming empty Nestors. With two jobs between us we were not rich by worldly standards but we were able to go out to dinner when we wanted, get our kids nice gifts for special occasions and do home improvements. We had a 21 year old son still living at home and our daughter was 14. We were done with having to worry about getting babysitters if we wanted to go out.

One day in early November 2005 everything changed. A little girl was born 8 weeks premature. Her parents were not able to take care of her and within weeks we were asked to take her into our home. 6 weeks later the beautiful 5 pound girl came to live with us. A short 6 months later her 4 siblings came to live with us as well. Our lives were turned upside down within a matter of months.

Now 4 years later with half the salary, our lives are sustained only by God. He certainly showed us how much we needed Him. Many days I wonder how we are able to still survive financially but somehow it all works out.

Every day is a new day and the kids are growing and learning. The struggles of raising the children have been many. It is hard for a husband and wife to raise their own children in this world and new challenges arise when you add more people to the mix. After 23 years, my husband and I have learned to communicate with great success but 4 years ago added my brother in to that mix.

My faith has grown by having to rely so heavily on my creator and I don't believe that I would change a thing. Would I have chosen this life for myself? Probably not but then again, what I think I need in life is not always the best thing for me and many times what I would choose is not His plan for me.